When i’m coming down with a head cold, or even when i’m already full-blown sick, invariably some genius will say, “Maybe it’s just allergies.”

Here’s a newsflash:  I do actually know what a head cold is like!  Furthermore, it seems obvious — to me, but apparently can’t go without being said — that i do know my own body far better than you ever will.  Are you my doctor?  No.  Are you my spouse?  No.  Are you one of my best friends?  No!  Are you ME??  NO!!

Both head colds and allergies are fairly common things.  And i am 38 years old.  Why would you assume that by now i would not have a concept of how my body acts when i am either sick with a cold or dealing with an allergy attack?

I know people have this urge to keep a conversation going, an urge to say something in response to whatever has just been said.  Here’s a tip:  When someone says, “I have a head cold,” just say, “I’m sorry to hear that!  I hope you get better soon.”  Because second-guessing their understanding of their own body is just fucking insulting.

Here’s how to irritate me and lose business on the internet:

1. Your Twitter is nothing but a feed from your Facebook.  So when i click on the handy link in your tweet, i go not to a page on your retail website but instead to a short blurb on Facebook, which means i then have to click over to your Facebook profile.
2. Your Facebook profile doesn’t actually have any link at all whatsoever to your main retail website.  Which means i have to click on a link that looks like it will at least take me to an individual blog post on your main retail website.
3. Your blog post link from Facebook does not in fact take me to that particular blog post, it just dumps me on the homepage of your retail website.

Conclusion:  I think i’ll go look at something else.