When Washington changed their marriage paperwork to accommodate same-sex marriage, they debated replacing “wife/husband” with “spouse a/spouse b”, “applicant 1 / applicant 2″, and other varieties.  I can’t recall off the top of my head what language they chose.

Last night Andy referred to me, out of long habit, as wife.  “Spouse, dear”, i reminded him.  “Spouse”.

Andy:  Oh right!

me:  Which do you want to be?  Spouse A, or Spouse B?

Andy:  It should be Spouse A and Spouse 1.  Which do you want to be?

me:  Spouse A — the one with the letter, of course.

Andy:  Oh good, i wanted to be Spouse 1.

NERD MARRIAGE: when English and chemistry majors wed.

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